*snort*

The English language is simply hilarious. Since when do people park on a driveway and drive on a parkway? Why does your nose run and your feet smel? There is no egg in eggplant and no pine nor apple in pineapple, nor any ham in a hamburger. French Fries do not come from France and English Muffins do not come from England. Sweetmeats are candies and sweetbread, which is not sweet, is bread.

Quicksand works slowly and boxing rings are square! And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

If teachers taught, why didn't preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites?

Your house can burn up as it burns down, you fill in a form by filling it out, and your alarm clock goes off by going on! You play at a recital and recite at a play. How is it possible that a woman can man a position? Why do we pack garmets in a suitcase and suits in a garment bag?

Why is "phonetically" spelled "funetiklee?" Why is the word "abbreviation" so long? And why, pray tell, does lisp have an s in it?

Why is it that a woman can be a vision, but not a sight -- unless your eyes hurt? Then she can be "a sight for sore eyes."

"The announcement was made by a nameless official." Sorry, but just about everyone has a name. Why isn't it an unnamed official? If pro is the opposite of con, is Congress the opposite of Progress? "The dog ran back and forth." Don't you have to go forth before you can come back?

I keep seeing the words "watch your head" on low doorways. That would be like biting your teeth, right? And what about "Head over heels in love?" That's nice, but my head is usually over my heels. Why don't they just say heels over head?

Put your best foot forward. Now let's see.... We have a good foot and a better foot -- but we don't have a third -- and best -- foot. It's our better foot we want to put forward. This grammar atrocity is akin to May the best team win. Usually there are only two teams in the contest. Similarly, in any list of bestsellers, only the most popular book is genuinely a bestseller. All the rest are bettersellers.